The day after

I cried. I shouted. I swore more today than I ever have before. I made sure to spend the whole day surrounded by other people, a support group of sorts. And now, I'm just tired and sad. And scared.

So we make contingency plans. We half-joke about moving to Canada. We huddle with our friends and try to talk about other subjects. We pulled a bunch of tables together in the Union today so we could all sit together. I hugged people and sat close enough to be supportive and really needed the physical contact. I went up to the fourth floor and just sat around and talked to people. And it helps some. But I'm still scared. I'm sick of war and death and politics and intolerance. I'm tired of hoping against hope that some good will come out of this, that all the things that I'm dreading won't really happen.

I'm scared that the draft will start up again, and it will take everyone, college students, men and women alike, my friends, myself. I don't care that Bush promised that there would not be a draft. I don't trust him. I don't believe him. I can't trust or believe the president of my country, and that says a lot about him.

And I can't believe that Kerry just gave up like that. I know, we don't want another election like the one in 2000. But for God's sakes... at least wait until they're done counting.

So now what? What are we going to do about the next four years? My god... I'll be in graduate school by that time. So much could happen in that amount of time. We could lose so much. I could lose so much. I could lose everything in this world that makes me happy, and that would kill me.

I guess now we wait, and watch. And plan. God have mercy on our souls.