Saturday, October 15, 2005


Something's been bugging me all day today.

I went to see my parents yesterday, and before I left they took me out for dinner (by the way, if you're ever in Grand Rapids and want good food, take State Highway 38 out about 11 miles or so from town and you'll find this place called the Wilderness Pub--it's EXCELLENT), and my mom's best friend came along with us. As usually happens whenever I get together with people who've known me since I was a child, the conversation turned to my schooling. My mom's friend asked me what classes I was taking and what I planned on doing after I graduated. I told her a little bit about my plans to work on a master's degree and either a doctorate or and MFA, and my plans for writing and possibly teaching. Then she turned to my mom and sort of laughed and said something like, "So, no plans for kids I guess."

I don't think she meant it to be insulting. In fact, I know she didn't because she's a nice lady who wouldn't do that. But still. I didn't have a reaction last night, but the more I think about it, the more it bugs me, and I can't quite place why.


Amber said...

I hear you! My department manager is always trying to hook me up with guys he knows. One day this young mom with a 18 month old kid came along and my manager helped them. After they left, he waved a hand over in their general direction and said to me, "When are you going to get one of those?"

It used to bug me, but now it doesn't.

My manager is older. Your mom's friend is older. They expect us young adults to settle down and have kids (most of them). Sum it up to another era imposing their views into yours, and move on. You don't need kids - I don't want them anytime soon, I know that for sure. Besides, if you ever want one and want to skip the pain, wear and tear of the whole process.. just adopt! Tons of kids in this world need homes and we're overpopulated as it is. If not, forget it. You're your own person. Never forget that.

Sharon said...

Angel, I think it bugs you because after your explanation of your dreams and goals, all this friend could come up with was, 'no kids, huh?' Although I am probably the same age (or older) than your mom and friend, I think it is a rude thing to say to anyone! Years ago, I had to fight the stereotype of "Why are you going to college? You're just going to get married anyhow!" This from one of my many Norwegian uncles..... I was the first of my generation to go to college. I thought they would all be proud of me as my parents were, but they had other agendas in mind. Yes, Angel, it hurts not to be understood!