After the previous post, I ran over to Oak in a bit of a panic, looking for Erin, who I knew to be working at the front desk. She was there, and I did the whole panicky-tearful-angsty thing to her for a couple of minutes, after which she helped me calm down and realize that everything will be okay. I then proceeded to stay for her entire shift, and then we went out to Perkins with another goth from the campus, and met Phil and Mike et. al. there for tea and pie and french toast and ice cream. At Perkins, I had a conversation about role-playing games with said other goth. T'was interesting.
The more I hang around Erin and her gothie psuedo-siblings, the more I question why I'm so...uh... well, not normal, exactly, but not... alternative? I don't have a subculture that I fit into. I dabble in a bunch of them, but I don't really belong to any of them. What keeps me from filling my wardrobe with nothing but black, dyeing my hair, updating my music collection, and piercing a few new holes into my face? I figure I've got everything I'd need to be goth except the fashion sense.
Or, let's open the question wider: why am I the way I am? Where do I fit in the great scheme of things? Do I have a slot to fill, some purpose in my life, or do I simply exist without meaning? Is meaninglessness bad? Are we forced to constantly create our own meanings? Why do I feel like I'm in a philosophy lecture again?
I'm tired, but much happier now. Off to bed.