I'm having a bad day. Nothing in particular has happened. But I am feeling really really shitty and depressed right now and have been since I woke up. I've got two more hours of work, plus a meeting tonight, and I'm just hoping I can get through it all without... I dunno. Breaking down or something. Crying into my keyboard at work? Yeah, because that's a wonderful idea. I feel like I haven't slept in days, and yet I've gotten more sleep than usual lately because I can't stand getting out of bed in the morning. I feel like there's a big, cold black hole inside of me, slowly eating away at everything and leaving me empty. It's only been a couple of days, maybe since Thursday or Friday that I've been feeling this way, but it seems like forever.
I'm scared that the pills are going to stop working. I'm scared that I'm going to screw something up and fail my classes. I'm frustrated and tired and scared and inside, despite all the people around me, I feel alone a lot of the time. Yet there's only one person I can stand being with and talking to about all of this, and when I'm around him, he can push all the bad stuff away just by smiling. I wish I could do the same for him. Maybe because if I can help him, I can figure out how to help myself.
Maybe, just maybe, I'm not completely a lost cause.